I was actually surprised at how common the practice still is. It is especially hard on the father of the bride because it's his little girl, now a woman and being taken away from him. 1: You are asking for a blessing, not permission. These days, a man asking his girlfriend’s father for her hand in marriage is more out of respect than permission. In today’s world, the old tradition of asking a father permission to marry his daughter can feel quite antiquated. Carolyn Hax: Asking dad for daughter’s hand? In today's modern world, couples often discuss marriage together, coming to a mutual agreement rather than a formal proposal. We’re working on #equality, after all. Ms. Cox (nee Knowles) says that while asking for her father’s permission was a formality, she wanted Mr. Cox to do so. You are asking the father that he believes you are a good match for his daughter, not to possess her. But perhaps second only to women overwhelmingly folding their names and identities into their husbands when they marry is men asking their girlfriend’s father for permission to marry … Many people argue that the issue of asking for a father’s permission to marry his daughter is not only out of date, it’s sexist. Some people argue that asking her father for permission is sexist, chauvinist, and recalls a time when women were treated like property. Video of me asking my fiance's father permission to marry her. The Mosaical law did not require that a father be asked to give permission to a man to marry his daughter, but it did give a father the right to halt a marriage that was forced because a man had raped an un-engaged woman (Exodus 22:16-17; Deuteronomy 22:28-29). A wet-behind-the-ears bachelor would be expected to discuss his finances with his prospective father-in-law. It may also help enhance your relationship with your future in-laws. If, however your daughter or her boyfriend or believes this tradition is a nice touch that will help cement in-law favor, be prepared with ideas about how to respond to your future son-in-law. Most women are smart enough to make their own choices in life, they are not their father's property. Asking a father for permission to marry his daughter is a traditional sort of thing. The father would then present his daughter’s hand to be joined in marriage. Though as people have said, asking for blessing for the couple is nice. An important part of marriage is God’s command to “leave your mother and father” (Genesis 2:24). Asking a woman's father for permission is a formality. Asking for permission only to have your proposal turned down is just an awkward day for everyone. Back then women were a commodity, first of their father’s and then of their husband’s. Men would ask a woman’s father for permission to marry her because the man would either be getting a dowry (to go WAY back in history) or because the man would presumably be taking over her care. What about situations when the father does not like the guy for stupid reasons. If you want to marry my daughter, you bloody well ought to be able to pay for her, was the thinking. But shouldn't really carry any weight in the decision. And, of course, if the relationship is poor or non-existent, well, there’s your answer: there’s no need to ask permission to propose to his daughter. As is a man asking a woman's father for permission for the daughter to marry. Stress? Even recently, an Old Wykehamist friend was advised by his intended to turn up with his bank statements for her father to scrutinise. Asking a parents permission is kind of old school and like you would not if they said no is probably the way she is looking at it. God Bless and Congrats. That’s fine, I get that. Over on AskMen.com there’s this article all about the importance of asking a father’s permission for his daughter’s hand in marriage, a tradition I guess I wrongly assumed was as relevant as outhouses and chastity belts. While it is an old-tradition that has lost its popularity with the increase in women’s rights I still think it is a respectful, non-sexist move. and you would have dodged this bullet. By your fiance asking your father for your hand in marriage only makes your father feel great and that makes them both look at each other differently and have a bit little more respect towards eachother. Why doesn't a girl have to ask a guy's parents if she can marry him? The “daughter sale” evolved into a non-monetary tradition of asking the father before proposing. The marriage, house, baby order rarely happens these days. “I was only 24 years old at the time. It has nothing to do with getting permission to “take possession of his daughter”; it's more of a respectful gesture. The concept of the groom approaching his beloved’s parents and asking permission to marry their daughter may be old-school to some, but it is still widely entrenched in American society today. If you are not sure what to do then I would go with the traditional approach. There’s a lot about American marriage traditions that are sexist, and a lot of sexism that gets rewritten as romance. Watch the stress this man feels as he prepares to ask permission for the most important event of his life! A newly married couple cannot “leave” Mom and Dad if the couple is still depending on them for housing or financial support. The past 20 or 30 years have seen a significant relaxing of some of the more formal elements of the process, including the age-old tradition of the prospective groom asking permission of his father-in-law-to-be for his daughter’s hand in marriage. Swap permission for blessing. “ Personally, I don’t think asking for permission is relevant anymore. And why do they ask just the father rather than both parents? Asking your partner’s father for permission to marry no longer carries the significance it used to be years ago. Newlyweds should be financially independent from their parents. Asking a father for his blessing is no longer expected. Yet, the time-honored tradition of asking permission to marry is still carried out today and has evolved to be a sign of respect. Many couples today feel that the old, time-honored titration of the hopeful groom asking a parent's permission to marry her daughter is antiquated. In fact, 70 percent of proposers ask for parental permission to marry their partner. In fact, the tradition dates back all the way to biblical times. A man would ask a girl’s father for permission to marry his daughter, not because he was in love, but because he would be receiving a piece of land or a huge amount of money from his new wife. Whether you are on board with this long tradition of gaining the approval from the father, or want to show your respect to your partner’s family, there are a few tips you will want to know before asking father's permission to marry. Is the tradition of asking permission from the father of the bride rooted in sexism? Yes. Here’s why. I think more of a heads up rather than asking permission would do if the person asking felt it necessary.” READ MORE: How to write a flawless father of the bride speech Father … It made sense to get Dad’s permission. Asking For Her Dad's Permission. A groom asking the father-in-law for permission to marry his daughter comes from a time when women had little autonomy. You could have easily asked if she thought it would be a good idea to ask her father for his blessing etc. A loving, beautiful gesture of respect, symbolizing that this man recognizes that when he marries the woman, he marries her entire clan. That would be pretty silly. It is important for some women that you make use of this traditional gesture. (After all, its origin dates back to the 18th century.) Don't feel disapointed! In 2014, the guys most likely to ask for permission are those least likely to need it. A good number of my friends have formally asked their girlfriends’ fathers (and mothers in some cases) for permission to marry. Online commenters go crazy Unless you both are very traditional, it’s sexist and insulting to seek patriarchal permission. “As love became more important to … I personally didn’t ask my wife’s mother (her father’s not around). Woman slams ‘outdated’ and ‘sexist’ custom of men asking fathers for permission to propose… so what do YOU think? I'm guessing it stems from a time when women were essentially property of men, and responsibility for them passed from father to husband. Of their father ’ s world, the old tradition of asking a father permission to marry her girlfriend... 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